The David Project and David's Story

Thank you to all who have donated to The David Project. It blesses us more than you will ever, ever know. Thank you for remembering our precious little guy! Just in case some of my facebook friends stop by, I wanted to retell David's story. If no one does, it's new and revised ladies and Chris, so check it out.


David's Story:

How do I explain such a pivotal time in my life? How do I let others know how God is in everything, even in things that bring us our biggest moments of despair? Where do I begin? How do I start? We were so excited when we found out we were to have our first baby. Matt and I had been married for five years and had been dating since high school. Our first date was my senior prom and his junior prom. After Matt’s high school graduation, he went off to Michigan Technological University. For the next four years, Matt and I had a long distance relationship but we made it work. After we got married, our focus became our careers, family, and friends. To our surprise after our fifth anniversary, we found out we were pregnant. When it was time, we found out what we were having and when we heard the ultrasound technician say it was a boy. We were so excited. We couldn't wait to have our little boy, our precious David Alexander. David was named after his grandfathers and we couldn’t wait to see who this little boy would become.

Several months into my pregnancy, I was driving down a two lane road on my way to work. It was the middle of winter and I was honestly surprised (and disappointed) that we had school that day. The roads were so icy so I was being very careful. In addition, I was driving my husband’s car that day, a much smaller car than the one I usually drove. As I was heading south, suddenly a woman coming down her driveway tried to stop at the bottom. As she approached the road and was entering my lane, I felt like I was in slow motion. I could see the fear in her face, even from the distance I was from her. She knew I was going to plow into the side of her minivan, which I was sure had children in it. Not really thinking, I swerved to miss the side of her van and veered into north bound traffic. The road I travel is a main road in our area with cars going constantly northbound and southbound. That morning, when I swerved into oncoming traffic no one was there. I simply veered around the van and went back into my lane. As I continued southbound, I realized what I had done and thanked God that David and I weren’t hurt. I knew that a miracle had just happened and I was spared that morning. I remember thinking…. Little David, you will do great things in your life because God saved you today. Little did I know that maybe God wasn’t saving David that morning, maybe he was saving me.

One night shortly before David died, I was resting in bed when my husband Matt came upstairs. As I was lying there, Matt started singing the song Company Car by Switchfoot to David in my womb. It was awesome because David instantly reacted to it. It was like he was dancing around in my belly cheering his Daddy on. You could see a hand move here and an elbow move there. In retrospect, it would be the only interaction we would have as a family. It was truly an amazing thing to see that interaction between the two most important boys in my life. It is something I will never forget and I treasure that God gave us that moment with our little boy. It was truly a blessing.

Opening Day 2003 was a big day for our family. My husband loves Detroit Tiger Baseball and was taking a half day to go meet some friends down at Comerica Park. I had called my mom that morning and mentioned that David wasn’t moving at all and didn’t move much the day before. She said that often when babies get bigger they don’t move around as much because they don’t have much room. I was over 7 months pregnant and I was definitely big so that made sense to me. But as the day went on, I felt more and more uneasy. David still wasn’t moving, even after eating lots of sugar. Finally at the end of the day I talked with a close friend, Pam Kyle and our custodian, Gail Sorenson. I explained what I was feeling and asked them what I should do since they both had several children each and were no strangers to pregnancy. They had suggested I call my doctor because I seemed so worried. So, I quickly went back to my room and did so.

When I called I was sure that the doctors would reassure me that nothing was wrong and David would wake up and everything would be fine. The weird thing was that on that day the doctor’s office did exactly the opposite of what they normally do, they told me that nothing was probably wrong but just to be sure they would send me to the hospital for a stress test. I got off the phone and broke into tears. I immediately called Matt, who was just leaving Detroit, and told him to meet me at the hospital. Our life was beginning to change forever and we didn’t even know it.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was immediately monitored. Later on, one of my nurses, Lynda Grosjean, told me that from the second she heard the heart beat of the baby on the heart monitor across the hall, she knew something was seriously wrong with the baby. That same woman, my Angel, Nurse Lynda, would be the one to take care of me that entire night. She even stayed past her shift to be with me. I can never thank her enough for her love and care that night. She held my hand and even cried with me. She was truly “Jesus with skin on” that night.

David was born at 9:55 P.M. I don’t remember much of what happened after that. It seems all like a dream. I remember them telling me he was out and not hearing him cry. I heard Dr. Esam Kazem working on him and telling Matt to come over. I remember Matt holding his hand and his tiny fingers being wrapped around Matt’s. I remember Dr. Kazem telling me that they did all they could and that they tried for an hour to save him but couldn’t. At the time, I wasn’t sure what had happened, all I knew is that my son was gone and there was nothing I could do to change it. They asked me if I wanted my son baptized and I said yes. They then brought David close to my face as I was still on the operating table. I remember singing to him one of my favorite songs…. “He came from heaven to earth to show the way, from the earth to the cross my price to pay, from the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky, Lord I lift your name on high.” At the end of the song, I could barely get the words out. But I wanted my boy to know that I praised God even when my heart was breaking. I wanted him to hear my praises so that when he heard the angels praises he would be right at home and he wouldn’t be scared.

For many, this would be the end of the story but for us it was merely a new beginning. The outpouring of love that came after David’s death was tremendous. Even in the hospital I was treated with such loving care. I will never forget how kind the nurses were to me. They had put a branch of wheat on my door symbolizing that I had lost my baby. Every nurse that walked through my door, LOVED on me. It was unbelievable.
The doctors, especially Dr. Esam Kazem, Dr. Robert Robins(my Obstetrician), and the resident that night, Dr. Robin O’Dell, were so awesome about making sure that physically I was okay and they kept me and Matt informed as information began to unravel about why David died. At first, they had me quarantined because they had no idea what had happened to David, they know what he had but not why. I will never forget how kind Dr. O’Dell was to me. She has made such a huge impact on my life and I will NEVER forget her. She is an awesome doctor and the medical world is lucky to have her. I can never thank all of my doctors enough but Dr. Robins will always be very special to me. I felt like he grieved with us and we will always have a special bond because he was one of the very few people who actually saw David. He knew our son. He saw him. He even touched him. To him, David is real, even if only for a brief time.

The kindness didn’t just end at the hospital. Three or four days later, we left the hospital. That same night we had the worse ice storm in many years. Power was out for days. The next day we had David’s Memorial. It was almost cancelled due to no power and very poor road conditions. Trees were down everywhere and it was very unsafe. But due to the kindness of our pastor, we still had it. I was amazed by the number of people there. It was like we were having church and they were all there to remember our little boy. It was such a huge blessing and like every new mommy I had pictures of my boy to share.

Throughout the next week, we had tons and tons of flowers delivered. So much in fact that the man who delivered flowers for Jacobson’s knew me by name and remembered who I was even several years later. We received tons of cards and I still have every single one today. They fill up David’s entire memory box. One of the most precious things I received, and I received a lot more than I deserved, was a poem from a dear friend, Donna Bowden. It talks about how our lives are like tapestries. How among those bright happy threads of our lives, there will be dark sad threads too. And only when we sit beside God will we see the tapestry of our lives and how truly beautiful it is. I still have the poem and think of it often.

At the time of David’s death, I worked at Webber Elementary as a kindergarten teacher. As a staff, the gifts they gave will last a lifetime. David has a book dedicated in his name in their media center. Every time a child reads his book, he or she will know that there was once a little boy named David Riddle. Also, the staff gave us a memorial tree, a beautiful weeping willow cherry tree. Although none of them knew this, I had been telling Matt for years that I had wanted one. It is truly amazing to me that God had worked through someone to tell me he loved me by giving me a tree that I had wanted but had never told anyone. I then realized that he was grieving with me. Two trees and one house later, we still enjoy that tree every spring as it blossoms and reminds us of our precious boy.

But that was only the beginning of the outpouring of love. In the May of the following year, we were blessed with our precious Emma Grace. I had two baby showers and each had a packed house. At our family baby shower, it took me nearly one hour to open all the presents that we got. We received everything we needed and more for our next baby. Also, Emma’s baby shower was the same day that David’s memorial had been a year earlier. God had redeemed that awful day. Emma was born a healthy blond haired beauty. Dr. Kazem, Nurse Lynda, Dr. O’Dell, and Dr. Robins were all in the delivery room the day I delivered Emma. God had redeemed the last time we were together, David’s birth. I am so blessed that I get to be the woman God lets be that precious girl’s mother. She is a blessing every day. She is truly a joy! She is going to change our world through her caring and loving personality. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for her.

When Emma was three months old, I called my husband at work to tell him to sit down because we were pregnant again. He was very much surprised as he didn’t really want to have any more children. God had heard my cries for another child and answered them. Lillian Faith was born in June of the next year. Lilly is a spit fire. From the second that little girl was born she was bossy. She is determined and head strong and that is what I love most about her. She is meant to be a leader. I am so excited to watch this girl grow into a woman and change the world. But for now, I will enjoy every second of every day until we get there.

I miss David every day. I wish I could be walking him to his Kindergarten classroom this year. But it is equally devastating to me to think that I would have to miss out on Emma and Lilly. There is no way I would have three kids so close together like that, especially if David had survived and had medical or intellectual issues. Several months after David died, Dr. Robins had mentioned that if David had survived he would have been severely mentally and physically impaired. God had spared my son.

Do I like the outcome? Absolutely not. But would I change a thing? No. I would have missed out on so much if it had been different and I can’t bear it. It is well with my soul.
What the world feels is irredeemable, God continues to redeem every day. The parents I had in my class the year David died mean the world to me. I will never forget them. I am still friends with some of them. God redeems. Every spring I am reminded of my son every time I look out my patio door. God redeems. Listening to my girls singing songs as they twirl around my living room. God redeems. Hearing my girls laugh. God redeems. Making dinner as Emma plays teacher. God redeems. Lilly drawing her self portrait with painted fingernails, rosy cheeks, and a big smiley face. God redeems.

I still struggle with David’s death. He would have been six this year. This is a journey. It’s not one that I wanted to be on but one that was chosen for me. I am slowly regaining my joy back. I am learning to laugh again without feeling guilty. I am starting to become who I was before David’s death, but now even better.

Grief is like a wave. Sometimes it hits me without making me skip a beat. But at other times it knocks me right off my feet. And that’s okay, I just have to remember to stand up again and that tomorrow will be a better day.

When asked how I made it through, I said, “First you take life second- to-second, then minute-to-minute, then hour-to-hour, and then day-to-day. Eventually, you go week-to-week, month-to-month, and finally year-to-year.”

My grief never goes away, it is always there lurking right below the surface. God has just given me the tools to deal with my grief differently than before. It’s not any easier, it’s just different.

God redeems. But not in the way we always want him to.


God Bless,
Carly