Hurt

At times, I still am taken aback by the fact that David died. I often feel that the death of a child happens to other people and that it could have never happened to us and then I am painfully reminded of the fact that it did happen to us. I feel sometimes that I tuck it away as I go about my daily life, that I merely "forget" him. But am I tucking it away or is it the coping mechanism that God gives me so get out of bed everyday? Many people feel that we should just get over it but those same people have never dealt with losing a child. That angers me so much. I get mad that they have forgotten my child when I am reminded regularly that my boy is not with us. And please do not think that I am not thankful for what I have. I am one of the most blessed women you will ever meet, I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful girls. I am able to work part time at a job I absolutely love and feel that it is my ministry. Some mission fields are in far off countries but mine is 5 minutes away. Does it get any better than that? But somehow something is missing. I feel that our family is not complete. We're missing pieces of our puzzle and I can't find them. Is the missing piece another child to add our family( which would be pretty hard since my husband had surgery to ensure that didn't happen) or is the missing piece in my heart? I don't wish that God would change things, I understand now that this was a part of his plan for us no matter how heart breaking. I trust him enough to know that he used David for things far beyond my understanding. I get that. I do understand that words can curse but I still have questions. When will my joy return? When will I laugh again like I used to? When will I be my postive and happy-go-lucky self again? The Lord is so gracious becuase as I am typing these words, He is softly whispering, when you ask for them. So,
Lord,
I want my joy back, I want to laugh, and I want to be the positive person I used to be. I am sick of the enemy stealing these things from me and tonight I am taking them back PERMENTENTLY. I am a broken vessel Lord who needs your repair, please mend me back together again. In Jesus Name, AMEN!