Happy Birthday, David!

Dear David,

Oh, how I wish you could have had your birthday "day" today. You would have had a special breakfast of your choice, Mommy would have brought you a special birthday lunch during your lunch time, and then tonight we would have had a special treat after dinner. Tomorrow, since Mommy had grad school tonight, we would have gone out to dinner to celebrate your birthday. You probably would have picked McDonald's, just like your little sisters. While you were there, you might have said, "Mom, just let God's Little Princess 1 and God's Little Princess 2 play on the playset, I'm too big for that stuff now." You and I would chat as the girls played. I would be sure to sit across the table from you since it isn't cool to sit next to your mom in public. Then, we would let you stay up late to watch a movie but not too late since it's a school night. We would eat popcorn and your dad and I would sit on the couch with you. But not snuggling becuase you would tell me that you are too big for that too. I would be sad becuase I would realize that my precious baby boy wasn't my baby anymore. I would think that you were growing up right before my eyes. We would have been so excited because we would have had a birthday weekend coming up this weekend since cousin Gaven's birthday party is on Saturday. So, we would have had your birthday party on Sunday. I bet you would have wanted a Spiderman party. We would have invited a couple of boys from school. It would have been awesome!

But, that isn't what today is. Today instead is a day that is just like any other for most people. The visual reminder that today is a very special day, the day when my little boy was born and lived even if for a short time, is not here.

I am so sad.

I miss you so much. I wish I could remember you more. I wish we would have had more time. I wish I would have documented my pregnancy more so I would have more pieces of you left. But it doesn't matter what I wish!

The truth is cold, hurtful, and smoothering. It takes my breath from me. It leaves me feeling cranky and exhausted. I hate what it has made me into. I am not the same girl I used to be and that makes me angry. I want that girl back.

But with all this being said, Precious David, you are worth the hurt, the pain, and the disappointment. The fact is this time is only a blip on God's screen. One day I will see you again. Although it will be many, many, many years from now, I can wait. The fact is I will have you for eternity. You will always be my first born and you will always be my boy.

I love you so much, David, and I miss you every second of every day.

Happy 6th Birthday, Love!

The world may forget, but your mommy doesn't!

I will love you forever,
Mommy