Three times in one day. Wow, I'm getting to be like MckMamma, in a good way, I promise, in a good way.
Ok, I am going to totally embarrass myself for the greater cause. This next entry is a little graphic, so please don't let your children read this.
I am sacrificing my own honor for all of you. So, please remember this. This out of love for my friends and family.
Today, I experienced something I hope and pray none of you, or either of you since there are only two of you who read this blog, never ever have to experience. I have a... I can't even say it without laughing....hemorrhoid.
Don't ask me how or why because I'm not really sure. I thought really old ladies and pregnant ladies got those. Since I am neither(bummer to the latter), I have no idea how I get to be blessed with this experience. At least if I was pregnant, I could get a cute baby in the end. But no such luck, so for the lucky ladies who have not experienced before mentioned ailment, I have some sage-like advice.
Tip 1:
Don't ignore the pain on your bum.
Why?
My mom said if you don't take care of it right away, you have to go to the doctor's and get it cut off or burned off. WHAT???????????????????????????????????? Are you kidding me????? Who signed me up for this gig?
Tip 2:
Use the medicated wipes.
Why?
According to the nice pharmacist at our local Kroger, after using the restroom toilet paper often irritates the area and can make it bleed(then you have to go to the doctors and we've already discussed why that CAN'T happen). The wipes also have aloe and vitamin e to help it heal(got that one from the package, just trying to help you all out.I gotta keep my readers fully informed of any hemorrhoid information.)
Tip 3:
When asking said pharmacist about hemorrhoid cremes and wipes, act as if it is your husband that has the hemorrhoid, not you!
Why?
To make you feel better about having to ask about hemorrhoid creme in front of others. Also, because Heaven knows dignified ladies who are not pregnant or who are not over 60 DO NOT have to experience painful bums because of hemorrhoids.
Tip 4:
Don't get a hemorrhoid. It totally sucks!
Why?
No explanation needed.
HOTTIE thinks this is quite humorous and suggested maybe we go out and buy some hemorrhoid pillows. Ha, ha, ha.
My mom's response is "You didn't get them when you were pregnant, consider yourself lucky!"
I hope this helps, although I hope you never have to use the information!
I'm so glad God can use me to help others.
God Bless,
Carly
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2 comments:
So sorry Carly!!! but I am laughing a little (just at the delivery of the story). I have never had to deal with that, and hopefully never will.
Carly, that is DISGUSTING!!! I think you should have to run around yelling "Unclean! Unclean!" when out in public :)
I seriously hope your little problem goes away soon....
And if it makes you feel better I had vaginitis last week and my who-who was the size of a bowling ball! Oh, the things we have to go through (AND WITH NO BABY AS A REWARD!!!!)
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